Can you be flexible at the beginning and end of sessions, arriving a little earlier so you have plenty of time to set up and be around; building in time at the end of sessions just to hang around?

Use your team. You might have people who are natural relationship builders - can you release them to be 'parent pastors', people whose main role is to simply chat and be there? Use those people on the registration or front desk too.

Greet parents and carers as enthusiastically as you do the kids - remember their names, things they've told you.

You might want to offer specific times - I'm always in the office on Tuesdays or free for a coffee this Friday - just message me if you'd like a chat.

If you run a toddler group, check out the Refresh model on the Parenting for Faith website, which shifts the focus to parents and carers while still being a typical toddler group.

In the holidays, open the building for a couple of hours and invite families to play with no agenda.

Plan the group in a way that you're not busy the whole time.

Stand in the welcome area as people arrive.

Learn people's names.

Try and talk to different people each week.

Try to be present to say hello. If you have parents and carers who drop off and pick up, can you be there? Session 2 part 2 will give you ideas.

When you communicate with parents and carers, invite them to get in touch if they'd like to know more about what you are doing. Session 3 part 1 will give you ideas about this.

Invite parents and carers in - to stay for some or all of the session, or run termly or annual events like a show and tell of what the kids have done, or a family end of year barbeque.

Offer parents and carers dropping off a drink and a place to sit while the group is on.

Know that building relationships can take years. Keep smiling and chatting.

Keep offering opportunities to chat or come to things even if you don't get a response.

Invite them to join a WhatsApp group so you can update them on session times, invite them to things, and give them information.

Many parents and carers won't want to become part of church, and that's OK. They are trying it out. By being welcoming and open, you have already helped them see who God is and what a welcoming community church can be.

There are many reasons why people leave groups - it might just be their circumstances rather than the content. Their kid may have a new group on at the same time, it's just one thing too many in a busy week, or they may have transport issues. If you can, find out why they've left and if there's anything you can do to help them stay.

When parents and carers leave, if you can, keep in touch. It can be really helpful to ask for permission when people join your groups to stay in touch with them. Let them know what else is going on they might be interested in. Session 2 part 3 has more ideas for things you can invite parents and carers to.

Maximise the impact of what you do when you do have contact with families - for example festival services, infant baptism and dedication services.

Prioritise building relationships when you do have contact - welcome them in, make space for conversations and if you can, keep in touch. See session 2 part 2 for ideas you could adapt.

See [session 3 part 3](https://brfonline.org.uk/programs/deeper-rooted-lasting?cid=4607902&permalink=equipping-parents-for-baptism-or-dedication-real-examples) for ideas about engaging parents and carers in infant baptism or thanksgiving preparation.

If you have families present at occasional services, see [session 3 part 2](https://brfonline.org.uk/programs/deeper-rooted-lasting?cid=4607895&permalink=planning-for-intergenerational-engagement-real-examples) for ideas about how to engage all generations in services, and session 2 part 2 for ideas about how to help parents and carers feel comfortable in your service and able to engage with it.

Build relationships in your community - the next question will help with that.

Remember the grandparents! You will almost certainly have grandparents and grandparent figures in your congregation. Empower them to help them share God with the children and young people in their own lives. Parenting for Faith has a range of resources which will inform and encourage grandparents and grandparent figures about their role in their grandchildren’s lives as well as giving them practical skills and ideas for sharing faith well, whatever their circumstances:

Think about what your community and the families in it need. What could you offer? Many people talk about looking at the three Ts - time, treasure and talent - to help you spot ways to interact with your community. A church next door to a school could offer tea and tissues for parents and carers dropping their kids off for the first day at school. Could your church hall be a venue for the local health visitor and you offer refreshments?

Could you build relationships with your local school: gardeners tidying up the flowerbeds, cake makers supplying the staff room, people reading with kids?

Invite people into what you are already doing. You might be surprised who might enjoy your craft group, churchyard tidy up, or bingo night.

If you have capacity, consider holding events to invite your local community to.

We host a family fun day each summer and a pancake party on Shrove Tuesday.

We've invited the council to use our warm space to host their courses and events.

We've started a community cafe in our building.

We host a Foodbank.

In the summer, we facilitate a uniform bank where people can come and get school uniform for free.

When schools use our church for services, we offer tea and coffee for the parents.

We try to support our local primary school with volunteers for reading and trips.

Remember that parents and carers who come to church groups will expect you to talk about God.

As you hear about people's lives, offering to pray is an easy next step.

You don't need to force God into the conversation - look for natural opportunities.

It gets easier the more you do it.

It's so much easier to do in the context of a genuine relationship.

We say, if you'd like to know more about faith or God, I'd love to chat.

When you are talking about their kid, ask what would help them grow in their faith.

Offer a mum's Alpha or something similar straight after the toddler group.

Talk about God indirectly - for example, sharing stories about a time he helped you.

Create windows into your relationship with God - for example, saying what a beautiful day it is and that you found yourself telling God what a great job he did as you walked there that morning.

Listen well. When we are stuck, the first thing we need is for someone to listen well to us and that's something we can all do.

Look for others to support you. You may have volunteers who can support you or other people in church. There may be people in churches nearby doing a similar role you could meet up with to get advice and ideas. Or join an online community such as Parenting for Faith's Facebook group for children, youth and families leaders.

Access training that will help. Your diocese or denomination will often have advisors whose role is to support you, and to provide training. Parenting for Faith has team training videos and a bank of webinars for people working with children, young people and families.

Pray for God to guide you and ask others to pray for you in your role.

The more you step out of your comfort zone, the more confidence you will feel.

Know that you are called by God.

If you are new or lack confidence, look for training to help you.

Be available for parents and carers: hang around at the end of a service, tell them you can always pop in early, or you're happy to go out for coffee - whatever works for you.

Let them know you're happy to chat and will always try to help. Be friendly and approachable.

Listen really well - understand what people are asking. Often just listening well can be helpful for others.

Offer what help you can, or signpost them to others who can help. This might be another person or an organisation.

If you don't know an answer, tell them you'll try to find out more and will get back to them. Don't be afraid to say, 'I don't know' or 'I tried to find the answer, but couldn't'.

Next time you see them, follow up: 'How is Jack doing now?' or 'Did you hear from the solicitor?'

Watch the Parenting for Faith webinar on Tackling big questions from parents.

If you know other children, young people or families leaders, ask for advice.

Look to your church family - there may be expertise or skills there.

Remember, they will come to you because they know and trust you. They usually won't be expecting you to come up with solutions.

Listen well, so you are sure of what they are going through or need.

If they need help or advice, signpost them to appropriate organisations or resources. Sometimes people appreciate an offer to go with them to appointments. But don't feel pressured to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with.

Be aware of who else in church can help: your pastor, safeguarding officer, people with expertise.

Do offer to pray for them.

Look after yourself too - you may need support or debriefing.

Access Parenting for Faith articles exploring how to support families in a range of tricky situations, including supporting families and supporting parents and carers of children with additional needs.

Particularly if it's something tricky, don't feel overwhelmed. Offer what you can and signpost them to other resources and organisations.

Talk to your church leaders in advance about how your church can support people so you know the basics.

Be aware of the wide range of additional needs. There are many conditions and situations that mean a child or young person has additional needs - not all of which might be visible. Discover what constitutes additional needs. You may also have people in your congregation with expertise who can help you learn.

Welcome everyone - church is a place where everyone should be welcome. This means we may need to adapt what we do, or learn new ways to be and learn. Talk to parents and carers, and to the child or young person, to discover what support will help.

Put in place what you can. No one will expect you to become an expert overnight or have all the resources, but often there are things we can do which make a big difference, such as providing a visual timetable, offering a scribe, adapting a game, or allowing access to a den or safe space if a child needs time out.

Access training and information. Organisations such as Growing Hope, Join the Dots Solutions, Through the Roof, and the Additional Needs Alliance can help churches include everyone.

Access the Parenting for Faith additional needs topics: one for parents and carers and another for churches.

Honour the fact that they know their kids the best: ‘These are some kids’ bibles - you’ll know which ones will be the best one for your kid’, or ‘When you think Jamie is ready for confirmation, let me know and we’ll go from there.’

Share stories of everyday discipling - stories help normalise the idea that all parents and carers can help their children meet and know God - see this post for more ideas of what this looks like. The questions on Creating Windows and Framing in Session 3 Part 2 may also be useful.

Share the Parenting for Faith podcast - lots of episodes with ordinary parents and carers talking about faith and their families.

Think about how you talk about parents and carers in church - ‘Parents and carers, you’re doing a great job helping your kids learn about God - how can we help?’ The next question will give you examples of what this might look like.

Share Parenting for Faith social media posts - we regularly post on the Parenting for Faith Facebook and Instagram accounts.

Invite parents and carers to courses or other learning opportunities where they’ll be able to explore this more - see Session 3 Part 4.

Keep reminding them that they are great at helping their kids make sense of the world so they can help them understand who God is too.

Remind them that ‘they know their child best’.

Have parents’ breakfast several times a year, where you can talk about this and they can talk to each other.

Keep pointing them to Parenting for Faith resources.

You can give people information in advance about what will happen in your group or service, so they have time to process the ideas - this could be a page on the website, a social media post, a flyer.

You, or the service leader, can frame well from the front - there’s a really helpful video on this here.

Rather than correcting or instructing people, consider using a ‘hint drop’.

If you are leading, take time beforehand to consider what might be new for parents and carers, and how you can frame that: for example, the bible story, prayer, worship.

Make it clear that things are optional and give choices: ‘we’re going to pray now .. if you’d like to join in …’. "We’re going to worship God through singing. You can join in by singing, dancing, or doing the actions, or if you prefer you can just sit quietly’.

Consider using a visual timetable or a service guide to help people know what’s coming next.

The Parenting for Faith website has a number of helpful posts: for example, this one thinking about giving families good information in advance, this one thinking about helping families with babies and toddlers, and a training session with more ideas for parents and carers of under fives. *Here are some top tips from other children's, youth and families leaders:*

Explain the ‘why’ as well as the ‘what’ - not just ‘now it’s time for our bible reading’ but ‘we believe that the bible is a book full of God’s words for us, so it’s important we listen to it’. (There’s a post here explaining this idea further.)

Reassure parents and carers that it’s ok if this stuff is new for you.

Be clear from the front about what is going on, particularly if you expect people to join in.

Imagine you have never been to church before - that will help you see what might be weird for anyone new.

Use choices to help parents know how their kids can engage:

Offer a range of ways to engage: ‘We worship by singing because that seems to help people express big feelings to God, but not everyone sings; some love waving these flags, some like to join in with instruments, some sit quietly and listen … everyone can join in the way they like to, including the kids’.

Rather than correcting or instructing people, consider using a ‘hint drop’.

Always include permission not to take part.

Use a ‘side-by-side’ to help parents/carers and their kids engage with God together - there’s a how to explaining this in Session 3 part 2 or you can learn more from this post about working with fringe families.

Consider resources that might help children and young people engage: having a playlist of songs you share in advance, using Makaton signing, visual timetables, pew packs containing things relevant to the service.

For regular church families, give them information in advance if there’s something new coming up - for example, everyone is staying in for communion - with ideas about how to prepare their kid for it.

Session 8 of our original course and session 5 of our teens course are all about how parents and carers can help their children engage with church and you may find them useful.

We have family busy baskets and a sensory tent with resources in.

We have written some social stories with pictures to explain what happens in the service - what will happen but also spaces they can go if they need to wriggle etc.

We offer fidget toys and ear defenders to children as they come in.

We have instruments available, but make sure they are collected after the songs are over!

We have a space to the side where parents and carers can take their children if they need a bit of space to move.

Encourage and remind parents that their kids are not too young to engage and join in

If you use flags or similar, it is helpful if an adult or older child is using them so kids joining in have someone to copy.

We have family sheets aimed at the whole family setting out what’s happening, when it’s ‘time to listen’, ‘time to sing and dance’, plus information about communion and kids’ church.

Material for responding to the story or message (or just drawing) - plain paper and pens or crayons, pipe cleaners, playdough

Clipboards

Laminated prayer prompts with drywipe pens

A visual timetable of the service

Sermon notes / sermon bingo

Age appropriate bibles

Board books

Small (quiet) toys, fidget toys

Ear defenders

Small flags, instruments or ribbons for worship

Websites like Muddy Church have downloadable resources that may be helpful.

Use the choices and permissions talked about in the previous question.

If you can, have baby friendly resources to help them engage - board book versions of the bible, ribbons to wave, instruments to use. Items that don’t make a noise will help parents and carers not feel nervous about disturbing others.

Encourage parents and carers to explain to their children what’s going on - see ideas from two parents of toddlers here.

Remind parents and carers that even if their child only engages momentarily, they will be taking in more than you might realise, and you are also building their experience of church and God just by being there.

Think about the practical things parents and carers might welcome - this post from Parenting for Faith has some great advice about how to be a baby friendly church.

We don’t open the creche until after the opening worship songs, so that babies and toddlers are present for that with their parents

We teach the Makaton sign for ‘amen’ so that even toddlers can join in

We offer colourful scarves to toddlers who are beginning to dance

We say to parents and carers, don’t worry if your little one wants to move around, that’s fine, and there’s plenty of room at the front if they’d like to see more.

If you are able to, talk to the service leader in advance about ideas to support the parents and carers.

If you have an area where parents and carers can sit with kids, for example a side chapel or children’s corner, let people know it’s available as you welcome them. Make it as comfortable for both adults and children as possible.

Consider giving out pew packs - an earlier question in this section had a list of ideas for things to include.

Consider creating service booklets with an order of service, but also things for children or young people to look out for in the church or during the service.

The reality is that this does and will happen. But consider why that might be:

They might not realise this is for them too - they are there because their kids can’t be there without them, but they wouldn’t be there from choice.

They may assume the content is just for kids or can’t see how it’s relevant for them.

They might feel uncomfortable with the spiritual content - worship, bible, prayer.

They may feel unsure how to engage.

Ask yourself: How can we make this seem relevant to the adults? What about adding in things adults can relate to and might be drawn in by. For example, a story from an adult about a time they prayed and what God did, or using a worship song that doesn’t feel childish.

Ask people to do things in families, so the kids will draw their parents or carers in: ‘Find the grown up you came with and chat to them about one thing you think God should do to make the world a better place’. ‘OK everyone, it’s race time! Every family needs one of these packs, and when I say ‘go’, let’s see which family will be the first to finish the challenge!’

In something like Messy Church, consider having more complex crafts for the parents and carers to do, so they actively join in too.

Look at ideas from the first question in this section - these might give parents or carers more confidence that they can engage.

Focus on building relationships with those parents and carers - see the ideas in Session 2 Part 1.

Relax if nothing changes. None of us like being forced into doing what we don’t like. Some parents and carers need time to observe, and one day you might just see them starting to engage. *Here are some top tips from other children's, youth and families leaders:*

Be clear about the structure of the session and that there are times when they will need to help and be with their kids

Use a microphone so you can be clearly heard when you give instructions

General shushing! But do it with a smile and only if you have a good relationship with those parents and carers.

Meet them where they are, be patient and don’t be judgmental

These are some assumptions about God and faith that we’ve come across:<ul><li>I’m not good enough for God</li><li>I don’t know enough to help my child on their faith journey</li><li>The church knows a lot more than me so they should help my child, not me</li><li>There are activities I have to do like bible reading and faith at home</li></ul>

The truths parents and carers need to hear are:<ul><li>God has given you a place of significant influence in the spiritual lives of your children that can’t be replicated or replaced. Influence happens through personal connection and you have a stronger personal connection with your children and teens than anyone else. The church cannot be as effective as you are.</li><li>God knows what parenting is like. He has designed it so that sharing faith with your children can happen in the midst of ordinary, up and down, busy life. What kids need to see is a real relationship with God close up so they can work out what it is and how to do it themselves. You are ideally placed to do this. Faith is always an up and down journey. There’ll be good bits and hard bits – and that’s OK and normal.</li><li>There’s no one right way to ‘do’ faith with your family. You know your family best and spend the most time with them, so will be able to work out what will help your family journey with God and build it into your everyday lives.</li><li>Faith isn’t about being good enough or knowing enough. It’s about being on a journey with God, and learning as we go - and if you’re on a journey with God, even if you are just at the beginning of it, you can take your kid on it too. Even if you don’t know much, you can support and encourage your kid - just like you do when they start ballet lessons, or take up karate - and share what you know.</li><li>Church is there to help us all on our journeys with God – to encourage, challenge and resource us – but can never be as effective as you are.</li></ul>

Drop key truths into conversation - ideas from the question on helping parents and carers understand they are the best people to help their kids at the beginning of this section will be helpful here.

Share stories of your / others’ faith journeys. It is powerful to hear other people’s stories of them and God. This post about sharing stories from the Parenting for Faith website will give you ideas for this.

Do include stories of when things haven’t been straightforward - times when there have been doubts or struggles or a situation is unresolved.

Ordinary stories are also powerful: for example, a parent’s fears for their child moving to high school and how God calmed them.

Create windows into your own faith so parents and carers get a glimpse of one person’s ‘normal’ faith - see the questions in Session 3 Part 2 about creating windows and sharing the Five Key Tools for ideas about how to do this.

Be honest about doubt, unanswered prayer and hard times - but also share how you managed this situation so people understand that God is still present and important for you.

Natural links, such as festival seasons:<ul><li>Crib service – could you ask all your Messy Church families if they’d like to participate or invite your tots children to be stars and sing Twinkle Twinkle?</li><li>Easter – invite to Easter Sunday and the Easter Egg hunt</li><li>Mothering Sunday</li><li>Harvest</li><li>Light party at Halloween</li><li>Pancake party on Shrove Tuesday</li></ul>

Church activities for adults<ul><li>Alpha course or equivalent</li><li>Events like games nights or arts mornings</li><li>Mens or womens groups</li><li>Parenting courses or events</li><li>Dads and kids stay and play</li></ul>

Church activities for everyone<ul><li>Churchyard tidy up</li><li>Christmas craft afternoon</li><li>Family fun days</li><li>Uniform bank or swap shop (inviting people to donate unwanted items and take any they need or would like)</li></ul>

Simple things you can do as an extension of your existing group<ul><li>Posada at Christmas</li><li>Messy Christmas service in church</li><li>Summer stay and plays</li><li>Holiday club for kids,but with a parents and carers cafe on the side</li></ul>

Straightforward one-offs<ul><li>Tea and tissues after the first day at school drop off</li><li>Baptism reunion picnics</li><li>An autumn welly walk or summer holiday picnic</li><li>Christmas craft morning</li></ul>

Invite parents and carers to help<ul><li>Continue as a helper when kids have left the group</li><li>Use the expertise they can offer - website design, a health visitor who could do a short talk, a gardener to give advice on planting the churchyard, for example.</li></ul>

Whenever you plan an event or group, think right from the beginning about other things you could invite people to. Ask yourself - what is coming up or already happening that I could invite them to? Think broadly - not just similar events or groups, but whatever you do they might be interested in, such as an information session on teens and social media, or a get together for parents of kids starting school.

Give yourself time to get the invitation out well so you’re not asking people last minute when their diary is full. Start talking about it weeks or even months in advance.

Repeat the invitation and share it in multiple places – in person, on a leaflet, on social media - it takes time for things to sink in!

Invitations work really well when they are relational. If you can, introduce them to someone who lives near them or with kids who are a similar age to theirs who will be coming along and who would be happy to meet them there or go together with them.

Give them good information – not just times and dates, but what it will be like, who’ll be there. Sharing videos and photos can be helpful. Think about if you were invited to a random group – what would you want to know to be confident enough to go? There’s a lovely example of this on YouTube from City Life Church Truro showing what to expect if you come to their toddler group.

If you can, be a friendly face at the event and let people know you’ll be there.

Make it personal and use the normal ways you communicate with them - WhatsApp, social media, in person etc

Reminders and repetition are key!

Try to have someone they are familiar with already to meet them at the new thing.

Identify any natural transition points. For example, when parents go back to work from maternal or paternal leave. Reflect on any patterns you see historically. Is there an age when attendance drops off, or a clash with other activities means families stop attending?

Always be thinking about what you could transition families to. The first question in this part might be helpful here. Are there any natural next steps, eg moving from toddlers to Bubble Church. Think too about age groups – if people leave toddlers at 3 years old but the kids club doesn’t start until 5, is there something that would bridge the gap? Think broadly about other things you do - they might be things you could invite people to join in with, such as a bible study group, a churchyard tidy up, a craft group or fundraising event.

Think about how to help people transition. Information alone isn’t always effective. Could you offer taster sessions or invite the leaders of the new group in to meet people? Or could a leader from the current group be there for the first few sessions of the next group?

Give them good information as early as you can - the previous question might be helpful.

Try to stay in touch if families don’t transition to anything else - the next question will help with this.

This article, written for toddler groups but useful for all ages, talks more about transitions

We don’t have strict age limits so will keep older kids in a group if it’s appropriate.

We invite mums whose toddlers have left tots group to drop in for coffee and we find a good few take us up on that!

We reassure the mums that we’ll be there for their next step and ask if they’d like any support for that.

We deliberately put familiar faces in the new group for a few weeks to help people settle in.

Think ahead - when you register people to your group, ask permission to stay connected to them in the future - this means you can send them information about other events or groups even when they’ve left. If you use something like Mailchimp segment your emails so they only get age appropriate invites to events and services. Invite them to join relevant Facebook pages. There may be things a year or so down the line they’d like to know about.

When parents and carers leave, you might want to ask them how or if they’d like to stay connected to the group. They may want to stay in the group as a helper or have an idea you haven’t thought about.

Look at the first question in this part for ideas for one-off events that you can easily put on that people might like to come to - for example:<ul><li>Tea and tissues after the first day at school drop off</li><li>Baptism reunion picnics</li><li>Summer holiday meet ups in the local park or an autumn welly walk</li><li>Christmas craft morning</li></ul>

Don’t forget other local churches – you might be able to signpost to things they do so families can continue their journey with church and God.

You need to do this in a safe way, so do consult your church’s safeguarding officer to make sure you’re doing it well.

Make sure the person you invite in has a natural role so they feel comfortable being there e.g.a bird watcher to help your Wild Church learn about birds / an artist to help with Christmas decorations / a knitter to teach basic knitting skills / a musician to help with singing time.

You can also invite people in with a relevant story to tell. For example, if your Bubble Church’s theme is God hears us, invite someone with a story about a time they cried out to God and he turned up. Or if you are inviting toddler parents and carers to think about if they’d like their baby to be baptised you could invite in someone who brought their baby for baptism and what that was like.

Think about key people you’d like your parents and carers to meet and encourage them to come along from time to time. For example your vicar or curate may be a good option so if families turn up at Easter, things feel a bit more familiar.

Whoever you invite, build in time for chat so relationships can start to grow.

Good, clear communication builds trust with parents and carers. It gives them clear information about what you are doing spiritually with their children and enables them to ask questions. It also honours them in their role as parent or carer and allows them to make choices they are comfortable with.

Depending on the group, you will be communicating in different ways: for example a letter home from school for your after school club, a flyer to go out to local homes, social media posts. For an established group, you may have something like a WhatsApp group to keep in touch or send monthly emails.

It is good practice to be clear about the spiritual content of your programme, e.g. 'bible stories, songs and prayer’ or ‘exploring the claims of Jesus being God this term’.

Use clear language – ‘prayer’ not ‘chatting to God’, ‘Bible’ not ‘the word’ so that everyone can understand what you mean.

Clearly include your contact details / church information and who to get in touch with to find out more.

If you see parents and carers briefly for drop off and pick up, prioritise greeting them, chatting, getting to know them as best you can. Give them flyers / letters personally - ‘this is just to let you know what we’re doing next term, it’s really interesting …’ Session 2 Part 1 will be helpful with this.

You might find this article about putting parents at the centre, from the Parenting for Faith website, helpful.

This could be feedback at the end of a Sunday group, youth group, school club, holiday club. It could be feedback to parents and carers who are regular attenders, or it could be feedback to parents and carers who are new to faith or don’t seem to have any faith - or even have another faith.

Depending on your situation, there’s a variety of ways to do this. In-person (maybe quickly); email/whatsapp; handout/board at the end of a session; a termly catch up; joining for the last few minutes of a session. There are ideas for how to do that well here.

It’s important that you make any feedback manageable for you and not overwhelming for the parents and carers. So you might feedback weekly, but it might be less frequently.

When you feedback, think about the following:<ul><li>Don’t just talk about what you did (the activity), but include the key learning. For example, don’t simply say we looked at the story of Noah, but ‘we thought about Noah and how he might have doubted when he was stuck on the ark for so long’. Or not simply that you talked about the Bible, but that ‘we asked and answered questions about if the Bible is true and how do we know’.</li><li>If appropriate, include how the kids engaged with God: e.g. ‘We spent time chatting to God about things we find hard to believe.’</li><li>Include ideas for exploring this at home e.g. asking parents or carers to share a story of a time you doubted God. What happened? Or ‘this video is a great intro to the ideas we talked about’.</li><li>You might want to watch this video from the Parenting for Faith website about feedback that helps parents and carers work out how to continue with their kid’s experience simply and easily.</li><li>You might also want to suggest a ‘conversation starter’ for families to use at home that explores the same ideas as you talked about in the group - there is a free download of 101 questions to ask your kid to spark an interesting conversation on the Parenting for Faith website that will help you get started with this.</li></ul>

You can ask the team to pray for the baby or toddler they are with and feedback in-person or via a journal what the children did, anything they sensed God was saying and what they prayed.

It can be really helpful to use worship music and share Bible stories, even with the tiniest babies, and allow time for God to meet with them. Tell the parents and carers what you sang or played over the children, and which story you used.

You can share playlists of the worship music you use in your creche with parents and carers for them to use at home - and invite them to add to it.

The webinar ‘Parenting for Faith in church with under fives and parents’, on the Parenting for Faith website, is full of ideas for your church creche.

Think about what would work for your group and the parents and carers – is it a group where parents and carers could stay and it not feel awkward or would it be better to try something else? Kids may love seeing their parents or carers, but young people probably less so!

Invite them into part of a session. Some groups welcome parents and carers to stay for a little while after drop off or come early and watch for the last part.

Think about if parents and carers could be part of the group. We are very used to the idea of running a kids club, where parents and carers their kids off. But some churches successfully run clubs for the whole family, where the whole family can come and learn and play together.

Have a comfortable space for parents and carers to wait. If a club runs only for one hour, you might find that some parents and carers would welcome a cup of tea and somewhere to sit and chat rather than having to go home only to come out again a short while later.

Invite in for a ‘show and tell’ - maybe once a term where kids share with their parents and carers what they have been doing.

The questions in Session 2 Part 3 might also be useful for you.

Invite parents and carers to arrive 15 minutes before the end so they can see what’s happening – they might be able to come into the room or have the door open so they can see and hear.

During our holiday club we have a parents and carers cafe in the same building with toys and things for younger children. There are some people running it who get to know the parents.

We found that it’s worth asking parents or carers if they’d like to join the team - we’ve had some do that.

Have a termly ‘parents/carers and kids’ evening where everyone stays

We’ve had a family barbeque and sports day for all the families at the end of the summer term.

Think about things like Pancake Day, Easter, Christmas and use those times to invite parents and carers and younger children in.

It’s really helpful for you to know and be able to use the Five Key Tools - not only to share them with parents and carers but also to use them with parents and carers yourself, for example, sharing a quick story about how you felt overwhelmed, you prayed and what God did.

The Five Key Tools can help equip the parent or carer on their own faith journey and at the same time equip them to use that tool with their kids. Later on in this section we have questions that will give you more information and examples of each of the Five Key Tools and what it might look like to use them with parents and carers and families.

Parenting for Faith has a range of ways for you and your team to learn more about the Five Key Tools. Work out how your team would find training easiest: 15 minutes before the session for a short explanation and encouragement / termly breakfasts / online / referring them to a video to watch and then chatting about it later - whatever works for them. You might find this webinar, where two experienced children and youth leaders share their approach, helpful.

Below are some ideas from the Parenting for Faith website for how you and your team could learn more:<ul><li>Check out the resources section of the Parenting for Faith website for short introductory videos to the Five Key Tools. Scroll down on this page and click on a logo to find out more about each of the Key Tools.</li><li>Read one of our books, available from the resources section of the website. You might want to start with either ‘[Parenting Children for a Life of Faith (Omnibus)](https://www.brfresources.org.uk/products/parenting-children-for-a-life-of-faith-omnibus-helping-children-meet-and-know-god?_pos=15&_sid=a48c3e739&_ss=r)’ or ‘[Parenting Teens for a Life of Faith](https://www.brfresources.org.uk/products/parenting-teens-for-a-life-of-faith-helping-teens-meet-and-know-god?_pos=5&_sid=a48c3e739&_ss=r)’ where the Five Key Tools are unpacked.</li><li>Watch the free Original Parenting for Faith course as a team.</li><li>Search for ‘training videos’ on the Parenting for Faith website to see a range of video based training that will help you understand the Five Key Tools better, and learn how they apply in different circumstances.</li><li>Study for a Cliff College Certificate in Parenting for Faith - a deep dive into the ideas behind and the principles of Deeper Rooted Lasting.</li><li>Book one of our experienced speakers to deliver training either online or in person.</li><li>Contact the Parenting for Faith team on [parentingforfaith@brf.org.uk](mailto:parentingforfaith@brf.org.uk) if you have questions or would like advice - we are always happy to help!</li></ul>

Some examples of what you might do:<ul><li>You can tell a story about how your relationship with God works: ‘I was feeling a bit overwhelmed last week, so I took 5 minutes to chat with God and that grounded me’.</li><li>You can explain how God’s involved your life: ‘I was chatting to God about what craft to do and he reminded me about that origami bird – so that’s what we’re doing’ or ‘I find it much easier to pray when I’m outside walking.’</li><li>Let them see you and God. It’s really powerful to see someone worshipping or letting themselves connect with God in prayer and helps people know what to do. For example, if you pray out loud in the group, pray as you would at home, using ordinary language.</li><li>You can also invite people to create windows into their relationship with God for others: for example:</li><li>If you’ve had the story of Daniel, ask people to share any stories of times when God rescued them.</li><li>If you’re talking about the power of the bible, ask people to share their favourite bible story and why it’s their favourite</li><li>If you’ve thought about how God is close to us, invite people to share stories of what that feels like for them.</li></ul>

For ideas on how you can learn more about Creating Windows see the first question in this section.

Some examples of what this might look like:<ul><li>We can use framing to help us talk about God in the everyday e.g. ‘Exams are really tough. But God just wants you to do your best. He’s got good plans for you, regardless of your results’.</li><li>The Parenting for Faith website has a simple four step process to help people answer any question about God. People have many questions about God, the bible and faith, and this four step Questions Tool helps people think about the question well. You can use this as part of a teaching section or if people have specific questions.</li><li>We can use framing to help us make sense of the Bible – putting bible stories in context and using wondering questions to help people think about the part God was playing in the story.</li><li>We can use framing to help people make sense of the church service e.g. ‘When the priest bows like that, he’s showing that God is his king’</li><li>We can use framing to add the ‘whys’ to the ‘whats’ of Christian activity e.g. ‘when we give to charity, it’s like we’re remembering what God said about helping the poor and needy’.</li><li>We can use framing to help start conversations about God in small groups.</li></ul>

For ideas on how you can learn more about Framing see the first question in this section.

Think about the Bible stories you use in your sessions. Over time, do they tell the whole story of God and us? Do they give a one-sided view of God e.g. focussing on his power or his comfort? Are they from both the Old and New Testaments? This article on telling the whole story may be helpful.

Think about the songs you sing. Songs are a powerful way for people to learn about God and we remember them. What are the messages they are giving about God? We have ideas here for picking songs that provide a balanced view of God.

Try to create a culture where it’s OK to wonder about God rather than having the ‘right’ view of him.

Allowing a pause in formal prayers and suggesting everyone tell God what’s on their mind and hearts.

Having a time when people are free to connect with God in prayer in different ways - writing, drawing, talking, moving.

At the end of a toddler group, suggesting everyone tell God one thing they have enjoyed today.

Suggesting everyone asks God a question and see if they can catch his answer.

Remind parents and carers of the key truths: we can demonstrate and teach the key tool of Surfing the Waves by reminding parents of the key truths about Parenting for Faith - see the questions in Session 2 Part 2 for more on the key truths.

Offer choices: in groups and services, we can help parents and carers makeor point to the best choices for their children and teens by offering choices e.g. in how to worship or which bible to use.

Be like IKEA: This post on the Parenting for Faith website explains how when church is more ‘IKEA’ than dentist, we build parent and carers’ confidence that they can surf the waves of their family’s needs and preferences.

Direct parents and carers to resources which will help them understand how they can support their kid at different ages or in different circumstances. Parenting for Faith has courses for every stage as well as books and a well-resourced website. See Session 3 Part 4.

Don’t feel you have to aim your content at either the kids or the adults. Instead, pick a topic we can all relate to: eg, who is God when we’re scared or why the Bible is important.

Plan for everyone to be able to engage:<ul><li>Song choice - Choose songs that will be accessible to most people. That might mean using shorter or simpler songs - but very often, if children are present, adults understand this and will support it.</li><li>Make your worship as accessible as possible. How can people who don’t like / can’t read join in? Equip them with what they need, eg permission to listen / instruments to join in / flags to wave / paper to doodle on / space to dance / use of Makaton.</li><li>Frame your service well so people understand the ‘whys’ as well as the ‘whats’ (see the question on framing earlier in this section).</li><li>Plan your talk so all types of learners can follow. What is there for your aural / visual / kinesthetic learners? Which bits can be visually engaging? For example, could you share the Bible story using props / drama / saying it together / using a video version? Could you add movement to your prayers or teach everyone a greeting to use during the Peace?</li><li>Consider using a side-by-side learning opportunity (see the question earlier in this section).</li><li>Be aware of the youngest children. Can you encourage families to sit where they can see? Work out your timings so that small children regularly have something to engage with eg a story / visuals / song, so that if they are unable to engage with other bits of content, you can keep re-engaging them.</li><li>Gently coach parents and carers in how to help their kids engage (see Session 2 Part 2).</li></ul>

Be aware of the impact on an existing congregation if you plan to introduce other generations:<ul><li>Prepare them well and give them information about why the change is happening eg. how it supports the church’s mission, what the benefits are and what might the ‘costs’ be to them.</li><li>Consider trying a ‘one-off’ of the new type of service eg at Christmas, so they can experience it without fear of loss.</li><li>Be realistic. Will the change work for the existing congregation? What will they lose? Could they find this elsewhere? The Parenting for Faith website has two training videos which will give you more ideas: A Lunch with Leaders training session with three ideas for creating an all age service that will work Two sessions on the importance of all age gatherings, and the practical steps you can take to make them work.</li></ul>

We make sure we have a variety of people and ages upfront so everyone can feel this service is for them.

When I plan, I think about all the groups who will be there - men, women, teens, kids, older people, new to faith, long time Christians etc and ask for each section of the service ‘how will this work for them?’

We have ‘post-it note jobs’ - anything we need a volunteer for eg the Bible reading, handing something out, helping with the baby corner - we write it on a post-it and leave them on a board in the lobby. As people come in they can grab one and join in.

Have something for everyone but don’t be afraid to address one group for a few moments. At Messy Church, I sometimes just talk directly to the parents for a couple of minutes.

I try to add in times when people have to do things together - like discuss a question, or make something - so they are involved, not just watching.

Keep things moving - no more than 5 to 7 minutes for any one bit.